So, I used to be an avid reader in my younger days, and one of my favorite past time genres to read was romance novels. As I matured, so did my reading, moving from romance to erotica. This past weekend I came across one of those books, and the excitement I felt when reading these types of books was reignited.
It was the kind of literary emotion that made my skin run warm, giggle to myself, and of course, being erotica, my mind began to wander, as I thought about my love bear, my husband. “What such book was she reading?” You’re probably asking. Well, it’s an unlikely title and even greater feat, even 20 years ago, when I bought the book entitled How to Make Love Six Nights a Week.
This book had been sitting on our dresser for practically four months, shifting from different spots occasionally, but never receiving a proper home as we were too busy trying to unpack larger items. Who had time for a book? But, on this day, as we were continuing to make our new home feel, well, more like home, I made time. It was Sunday, and Joel Osteen was playing over the Alexa speaker, because if we can’t get to church, we make church. His voice was barely audible from the room I was in, but I was still able to get the “Good Word” while putting things in their proper place. After “church was over,” and we took a break, I grabbed the book and stretched out over the bed. My husband finished his tasks in the living room and joined me. He was curious, “what’s that?” he asked. My first inclination was to be a smart a$$, and tell him it was a book. However, I instead showed him the cover.
His eyes brightened when he read the title. He cozied up next to me, as I shared with him details of the book. As I flipped through the different pages, I came across a sex quiz of sorts. One of the things the book speaks about is being open and transparent about your desires with your partner. I didn’t recall this part of the book, and even if I had, I’m sure the results would look much different today. So, I did what any person would do on a lazy mid-Sunday morning, would. I grabbed a pen from the nightstand, slightly shifting my husband off my shoulder as I did, thereby waking him briefly from his catnap, which seems to be more of a required daily need these days (is that part of getting old? Ok, I’ve digressed). As he settled back in, I started to move through the 20+ questions with great care, and when I was done, I tallied up my results. I then gently ribbed my husband with my elbow so that he could take the quiz as well. The whole point is to ensure you and your partner are aligned sexually, but being that it was a Sunday, we’ll call it “evenly yoked.”.
After he completed the quiz, I tallied his score and compared them against mine. It turned out we see eye to eye on things sexually. It wasn’t a surprise, but it’s also not something we spoke about in great detail any time recently. It’s probably been at least 10 years since we last had a conversation about sex that didn’t revolve around ovulation time tables, hormone levels, and “closing windows” (related to time). Sex quite honestly is not the sex either of us had when we were younger. It doesn’t carry the same weight to it.
It’s not stressful (unless you’re desperately trying to conceive), nor should it ever be. Sex should be easy and carefree,but when you are a young adult, it is anything but. You absoulutely care, and you care a lot, especially as a young woman.
You care if the other person thinks you’re fat because of the dimple on your outer butt cheek. You care that you look bloated, but don’t have the energy to suck in your gut, especially if you’re on top. You care if your vagina farts, and whether or not he think you passed gas, and whether or not you should explain how the air get’s sucked back in because of the motion, while hoping he has an elementary base of science.
When you’re young, it feels like there’s an expectation of “OK, we’re going to do it.” When you’re in a committed relationship, that’s what you do, and you live for that! I recall spending the equivalent of a quarter of my student loan monthly payment in preparation for a date with to ensure I looked great fashion-wise, and underwear wise, because no way would I dream of wearing underwear that didn’t match my bra.
Oh, and of course the physical had to be handled…toes, nails, waxing, etc. In reality, however, none of that matters when you’re with someone who cares about you. It definitely doesn’t matter when you’re with someone who loves you and is in love with you. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying you can walk around looking like “who done it?” “what for” and “don’t ever do it again,” also known as a hot mess. However, the self-conscious, trying too hard to be sexy thing, is well overrated.
I must admit though, until taking the quiz, I did wonder if my husband missed the “let’s do something wild and crazy” intimacy we used to have at the start of our marriage. I could tell y’all some stories that still have him asking, “when are we going to do that thing we did back when…” I can’t help but chuckle, because, in my mind, I’m thinking “never.”
I almost broke my neck wearing hooker boots that were too small and too tall, just trying to take five steps toward him. I was at least 15 years younger then! I definitely would break a hip trying to pull that off now, lol!
After taking the quiz and talking about our answers, what I (we) realized is our sex life is exactly what it’s supposed to be for us at this moment. We’re not at each other every day, with pheromone levels so high they would radiesse on our skin in the dark, or doing acrobatics that would require EMT services on standby, and that’s OK. We have a healthy, satisfying intimate relationship that keeps us happy, protects our bones (smile), and allows us to have a great night’s sleep… basically, old people sex.
Cheers!
Kris