It never fails that I cross paths with someone who ultimately says stupid **ish** for one reason or another. Whether it’s a family member commenting on my age and my uterus in the same sentence, or a co-worker commenting on something that shouldn’t be up for conversation to begin with, such as my ability to reason logically. Which is an actual example, believe it or not. The exact words were “you don’t have any common sense”. I would be remiss if I didn’t say it is taking a lot of restraint to personally attack the individual who said this to me on this platform, because when I think about it right now it ticks me off. However, that would make me as classless and tasteless as they are. This assertion, by the way was made due to a comment I made about seeking assistance, looking for directions when I was lost to be specific, on two separate occasions in unsavory parts of town by individuals what many would consider or write off as thugs. However, my personal values guide me those are:
- Don’t judge a book by its cover
- Don’t judge someone based on geographical location i.e. the “ghetto”, “trailer park”, etc.
- Don’t judge someone based on bad fashion decisions i.e. individuals whose pants are “sagging” or hanging low, hoodies, etc.
Now, when this comment was initially said, I have to say I was stunned. And, I feel like I should be used to and ready for anyone to say ridiculous things. However, I still get caught up in the “did they really just say that” and/or “OMG! They just tried it!” Which translates to somebody wants me to Molly Whop them upside their head. However, I usually snap back to reality, and take the offense vs the defense. In this particular instance, I was not only stunned but I was also in awe of the fact that she was nearly out of her seat providing me her short-sighted and inaccurate assessment of my ability to reason. It was as if she had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to say something to personally attack me. If it weren’t so distasteful it would have been comical. Because this woman, truly has no room to speak on anyone, and certainly not me as we don’t interact often enough for her to determine exactly what my sensibility status is.
Nonetheless, I did the polite thing. I corrected her ignorance in a nice way, and I redirected the conversation at hand. Mainly, because I was in a professional setting amongst peers, and I had just been painted with the biggest proverbial brush this woman had. The last thing I needed was to be painted with a brush that was dipped in foolishness. Many reading this would say “Oh, heck no! It wouldn’t have gone down like that if it were me.” The reality is, if you truly cared about what the individual wielding the words said then yes, that might be so. However, knowing who this person is, and the ignorance in which she based her own comment, it really was of no consequence to me. I could care less what she thinks because she’s a non-factor that didn’t deserve to get a rise out of me. At least not this time. However, it’s like the old saying of “first time shame on you, and the second time shame on me.” It is doubtful if she tries that stunt again, that I will be as graceful.
“So, what does that mean?” You may be asking. It means, that you have to get witty not ignorant with people who say ridiculous things. It means challenging their statements, drawing them on the carpet where they have to defend their remarks or risk looking even more silly. There are definitely more than three phrases that can be said, but I find the following to be the most effective. Let’s use the comment that was said to me as an example. “You’re a really smart lady, but you have no common sense.”
Reply 1: “Really, and what makes you think it’s OK to say something like that to me?”
This comeback challenges someone’s base
reason for even opening their mouth’s in the first place. Most people
don’t have a good reason, and they begin to stumble and search to explain
what they “really meant”. This works not only in professional
relationships, but with people you don’t know at all.
Reply 2: “Why would you say that to me?”
This statement again, questions the individuals reasons for spouting off silliness. However, it is a much softer version of reply 1. It’s still direct, but it doesn’t back someone into a corner so aggressively. It also allows for dialogue for the statement. Whereas, reply one could care less as to why it was said and is more directed on the audacity that a statement was actually OK to say in the first place. Reply 2 is great to use with family, especially an overbearing or judgmental parent or in-laws who don’t know that their statements are hurtful.
Reply 3: “Did saying that to me make you feel better about yourself?”
Again, the reply calls people on the carpet and takes a stab in trying to understand the reason behind why a comment was made, but it is also a bit “messy boots” because it allows you to get a backhanded psychoanalytical dig in at the same time while maintaining grace in the face of embarrassment.
Now, the reality is one will never know when an individual will show their behind at the expense of you and get completely out of pocket. However, these three replies allow you to be the bigger person while calling the behavior on the carpet, which most people are not ready for. So, here’s to all of us who sit back and think of all of the clever and witty things we could’ve or should’ve said after the fact. These comebacks can at least give you comfort in knowing you reasoned using common sense and not ignorance.
Cheers!
Kris